Thursday, 31 May 2018

We Were Fake

I threw out or burned
All the shit you gave me
Not because it was fake
But because we were


Done is such an easy word to say.
I am done with my plate
I am done with life

It makes it hard when nothing feels right any more, you just feel like a failure.
Sometimes it is better to just be nothing, a nobody.
Best forgotten.
In the past.
What was his name?

I am done.
Once and for all.


Sunday, 27 May 2018

Flash Fiction - Norm

Who are you?
What are you doing here?
I don’t even know you.

Fuck me, this kid was a whingeing little bitch, I hate confronting my victims, I do not like to call them that, I prefer targets.
The job wasn't tempting until the score was on the table. The mark was some sixteen-year-old who'd raped the daughter of a big end bikie and then bragged with dirty photographs of him doing it. Stupid shit kid, but it didn't matter to me. Ten k up front and fifteen to finish him was all I cared about.

I had been watching my target; the little shit would arrive home from school and always go in via the back door, this was perfect. I had learned where the spare key was hidden and after making a “home visit” I had learnt that they didn’t have an alarm system, stupid people, don’t they know the kinds of dangerous people that are around these days.

Today was the day he would be dealt with. Just before 3pm, I found the spare key and let myself in; I quickly checked the house was empty and hid the key back outside.

I had a few preferred methods for killing people; it really depended on the person, the situation and how much time I had, as to how I liked to do it. In this case my client had wanted it to look like an accident, I could also do car accidents, suicides and even framing somebody else. I knew of three poor suckers who were doing time for murders I had committed.

Just after 3:15pm I heard the back-door creak open, the kid was singing some shit pop song. I had already placed on my work gloves and turned on the tap in the bathroom, as I expected the target heard this and walked in to the bathroom, I was waiting behind the door, as the target entered the bathroom I grabbed him from behind, he turned to face me, asking stupid questions. I ripped his clothes off, “Don’t rape me” yelled the boy. Why would I rape him, do I look like a poof? I threw him in the shower, so he was wet all over, then dragged him out and smashed his head in to the side of the bath tub, one solid blow was enough to kill him; his head exploded like a watermelon hitting the road, blood and brain matter all over the place. Already I had run the shower and splashed some water on the floor; this looked like a perfect accident. One of my best.

With the job completed I headed out the back door, this was when I saw the targets mother; she was walking along the path from the drive way towards the backdoor. From where I was I could see her, but she could not see me, yet. I was fucking stuck, no matter which way I move she would see me, why the fuck was she home already? The bottom panel of the rear porch was wooden; I knelt, ready to jump the woman from behind as she walked past. It looks like this would be a two for the price of one deal, I hate giving away my services, but I had no bloody choice. Killing her would also make the kids death look suspicious. I was fucked now.

I could hear her walking closer, he shoes on the gravel path; she was yakking on her mobile phone. She was only a few short steps away when she said “I have the file in the car, I will grab it and check for you.

She turned and headed down the path and back to her car, thank fuck, this was my chance to get away. I ran from the rear porch to the bushes at the bottom of the garden and over the back fence, in to some bushland. At the other side was my car, thank fuck.

My fee was paid two days later when the death notices had started to appear in the local paper, a tragic accident they all said. I knew the truth and how close I was to getting caught. This fucking rattled me for days.

Karma finally caught up with Norm the next month. He was killed by a car while crossing the road to spend his fee at the casino, a tragic accident they all said. The boy’s mother was driving the car that killed him.

Flash Fiction - Exeter

Henry Johnstone looked at the solid torch in his hands and felt safe. Dusk was just setting in.

He walked over to the window, a cup of tea on the bench and reflected on his lonely surroundings. He had always hated Exeter, it was a cold place and the only thing going for it was the football ground. It was the place that encouraged his love for football as a child and later when he was a player until his late 30’s. He was still stuck here at 76 years of age, why had he not packed up and left when he could?

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Mary Wu. Mary was a spiteful woman with a thing for Henry. He hated her.

Henry gulped his tea. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a tactless, thoughtless, beer drinker with no time for this horrible woman. His friends saw him as a good bloke; women thought he was a catch. At his age he had no idea why.

But not even a tactless, thoughtless, beer drinker with no time for this horrible woman like Henry was prepared for what Mary wanted today.

As Henry stepped outside and Mary came closer, he could see the smile on her face.

Mary gazed at Henry. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want sex."

Henry looked back, even more angry than normal and still holding the torch in his hand. "Piss off you stupid old cow," he replied, about to walk back inside his small home, overlooking the football ground.

She looked at him with warm feelings, like an animal about to attack; he would rather be a young boy, back at a football game, which had country music playing in the background and two predatory uncles sitting on the bench, watching him play, than talking to this horrible woman.

Suddenly, Mary lunged forward and tried to kiss Henry. Quickly, Henry grabbed the solid torch and brought it down on Mary's skull.
Mary's fingers trembled and her legs wobbled. She looked scared, her emotions raw, her body ready to be taken. Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Mary Wu was dead.

Henry Johnstone went back inside and made himself a nice cup of tea. Screw that bitch.


Flash Fiction - Cafe

Today is a Saturday, it could be any day of the week but it is Saturday. This really makes no difference to anything of any importance. I have just walked in to a cafe; it could be any cafe in any city anywhere in the world, it is not, it is a cafe in my home town.

A waitress greets me and I ask for a table for myself, she appears friendly but her smile is forced and unnatural.
- Her boss has just cut her hours again and she does not know how she is going to afford her rent this month.

I take up a table in the back corner; from here I can see the whole cafe, just watching.

In the front corner sits two young women, enjoying a drink while chatting, one is clearly pregnant. She is telling her friend all about the joys of pregnancy, feeling the first kick and everything that goes along with being pregnant.
- Her friend has just found out that after two years of trying, her and her husband will never be able to have a child together. Her husband has now started drinking heavily and has shutdown from her.

Two tables up are a young married couple with a toddler. The husband and wife are talking about the future and their plans for the afternoon, the toddler knocks over his drink, the husband tells the wife off for this, yet the husband was sitting right beside the child.
- The wife is sick of always being blamed for everything and is planning on leaving, she has already asked a friend if she can crash on her couch.

An older lady and her friend have just finished their cups of tea and scones. Her friend has had to leave to catch the bus home as her car has broken down.
- Her friend has really lost her licence due to her failing eye sight but can’t tell anybody this, yet.

Beside her are two teenage girls, sharing a milk shake. One is telling her best friend that her boyfriend has left her for “some other slut”.
- Little does she know that her best friend, who she is pouring her heart out to, is the other girl.

A young man, maybe in his early 20’s is sitting a few tables away. He has his ear phones in and laptop on the table. He is drinking a coffee and snacking on some nachos. The older ladies walks past and makes a comment about technology and how “young people these days have no manners”.
- This young man has suffered from serve anxiety since his teenage years and technology is all that keeps him sane. To even be out of the house is a massive achievement for him.

Finally we have me. I come here a few times a month, always on a Saturday, just to sit and watch the people come and go. Reading them and seeing the truth behind their forced smiles. The faces change, the lies change but the fact they are lying to each other and themselves never changes.

Flash Fiction - The Light

I almost never get up during the night, for some reason last night I did. I woke up at 2.17AM feeling really parched so I headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. This was when I froze. Looking out the window of the spare bedroom, the light in our back shed was on, it should not have been.

I had only been in the shed earlier that day and the light was not on then, I went back to the bedroom and grabbed some clothes, I was not sure why the light was on, all I could think was maybe I had flicked it on during the day by accident.

Walking towards the shed I had another thought, what if somebody had broken in and they were still around? The door was securely shut and locked, I opened the door and went inside the shed, everything was where it was meant to be and nothing was missing. I turned off the light and headed back inside the house, something just didn't feel right.

Back in bed my mind was racing at a million miles an hour; I just could not switch it off and the feeling was getting worse, I knew something was not right but I could not put my finger on it. Then it hit me, freaked me out. When I got up I saw the light in the shed because the curtains in the spare bedroom were open, they were closed when I went to bed. I know this as I had to fix the draw cord again as it was twisted. How did they become open? I didn't sleep much after this.

Early this morning I got up and checked all the doors and windows in the house, they were all locked tight. I went back up to the shed; the door was still locked but now the lawn mower had moved; it was on the other side of the shed. This really freaked me out.
Now tonight here I am sitting here in my chair, in the spare room, watching the shed. The light has just come on.

Part 2:
Walking in the cold air of the night towards the shed, I am feeling more than a little on edge, the leaves blown in the wind and with every step my heart pounds faster and faster.

As I come around the corner near the shed the light inside flicks off and back on, or did it? Maybe that was that just my eyes playing tricks on me, scaring me. I edge closer to the window and look inside the shed, which is when I see it, what it is I don’t know. It is small, like a child, it has its back towards me and is sitting on the ground but it appears to be half in the floor, almost like a hole has developed which is just the right size for it to be sitting in.
I stand and watch, unable to move.
I hear a tap tap sound coming from inside the shed.
The seconds pass.

A noise in the bushes behind me makes me turn, when I look back it has gone, and the light is now off. I head towards the shed door, as I put in my key and open the door I feel warmth, like walking past a warm heater and then the warmth is gone. Everything is where it should be in the shed, it all looks okay. I head back towards the house, as I go past the shed window I step on something hard, I pick it up, it is a marble, I drop it and the noise is the same as the tapping sound I was hearing before. I run.

This is too much, I can’t take this, and I am freaking out. Inside the house I lock the door tightly behind me and sit in my chair, rocking and shaking, every little noise puts me on edge. I don’t go back to sleep that night.

The first rays of the morning light and I go to prepare for work, I walk in to my bedroom, on my pillow is a marble. I drop on to the floor, I don’t want to remember any more.

Sunday, 20 May 2018


93 was the year it all went down
He was a dick, not what he seemed
First it was just joking around
Next it was a bit harder
Finally he hit her so hard, she hit him back

Now it is over, he is gone
She carries the scars
They can not be seen
He did this to her, made her scream


Words that mean nothing, nothing to how I feel
Good day or good night, what is the difference?
No difference to me, that is what I think.
Enjoy it. I sure will


It has been the day from hell. Nothing going right.
Have to call past Bunnings, need a screw (yes, like that too)
Some 16 year old kid on the door, can I help you sir. I bet you fucking can’t you little shit.
I march, head down to aisle 15, screws and bolts.
None of the size I need. Fuck it.

I grab the next size down, hope they are bloody right.
Better get a new tool box, arse gone out of mine today.
Maybe look at a some new power tools while I am kicking around.

She is out of place in the power tools aisle.
Black skirt, white shirt, high heels. Hair perfect.
She is standing beside me, looking at the cheap $29 drills, waste of time.
I make a comment “ they are a waste of time, better to spend a little extra for a decent tool"
“Oh thanks for that” is her reply “I know nothing about them, I need to put up a shelf”
We go our separate ways, she has a better drill now.

Have you even been to Bunnings if you don’t grab a snag? Better not risk it so I grab one.

As I wait for the snag to cook. She walks past.
“I will be honest, I have no idea how to even use this” she tells me.
She is a looker, might as well offer to help her.

A time is set for that night.
She gets her shelf up, I got a feed and we both get to meet our future partners.

All On You

First it was a kick, right to my guts. Why?
I did nothing to you. Not that I know of anyway.
What she told you were lies, we were nothing.

She had been caught out. Put the blame on me.
I knew nothing until you hit me. In that lane way, out of the blue.

Now I am waiting here, in the bushes, ready to strike
You will both be dead soon, just how you should be.
You will be nothing.

Where Will I Find You

Well today is the day, when I said I am done.
You all love me, is that really enough?
Small moments of joy, but mostly just pain.
Good bye, see you all soon.
I know when I am going, where will I find you?

Thursday, 26 April 2018

The Park

Having fun at the park.
Laughing, playing, Jumping around,
Swing first or the slide,
Racing to the water fall.

Making friends.
Chasing my brother,
What's for lunch?

Monkeybars, climbing the train,
Ducks in the pond,
Monkey's up the tree.

Sending mum and dad out of their tree
Having fun at the park.

Where Will I Find You

Well today is the day, when I said I am done.
You all love me, is that really enough?

Small moments of joy, but mostly just pain.
Good bye, see you all soon.

I know when I am going, where will I find you?

Wednesday, 18 April 2018


Sitting in the cafe, watching the world past me by.
My coffee is hot, my feet wet and cold.
I feel the warmth of the log fire, drying me out.
Others coming and going, families having fun, laughing, playing.
Being happy.

I used to be happy like them, not anymore.

My laptop keeps me company these days, working on my next chapter.

You’re not the kind I see here.
Hair as bright as the blue sky.
Contrasting with your black clothes.
You spot me, sitting all alone.

“I wonder what she wants” I think to myself as you walk over.

“Mind if I sit here” you ask me. Sure, why not.

You order a coffee, then out comes your laptop.

As the morning goes on we start to talk, I find out your name. Jenny.
You are working on a script for a play.

As I develop my plot I ask if I can include you in it, somebody based on you is just what I need.

With the last light of the day fading, we are kicked out.
I suggest we go back to my place to keep working.

You never leave.

Now I am happy again, Jenny, you made me complete.

You, Me, 23

Here, there and everywhere. I don’t know why I play this game.
You, me, lets call it 23
Times we have both said enough
When can you be here? By 3?

We make the call, say we are done.
A buzz of my phone, can you get a lift?

Nothing for weeks, seems you are done
“How are you going? Want to hang out?”

Dragged back in, you love the drama
When will I learn, you make the drama

Months later, not a word from you.

I found out your married now, good for you.
My best wishes for your future. With what's his name, Drew?

Sure hope he likes the drama


That storm hit hard, not in the forcast.
You were only going out for me. I had to have it NOW.
Why didn’t I tell you to wait, tomorrow would have been fine.

The police said it came out of nowhere, nothing you could have done.
Washed away with the bridge, gone forever, never mine again.

All for a packet of chips.
I didn’t get them anyway.

Thursday, 12 April 2018


My clock has just clicked 1:31 PM, a random Tuesday afternoon

Back in to my work
What I should be doing
What I am paid for
Another face flashes past my office door, thankfully this time they leave me alone

Back in to my work
My phone rings, I really should answer it
Another problem, more fire fighting
They don’t understand I am busy, better go and fix it.

Back in to my work
Somebody at my door, just want a chat about life, can’t they see I am busy
Give them a few minutes of my time
Putting me more behind

Back in to my work
Error messages, more time wasted
Leading me down the wrong path, not being honest about what they did
Nothing is getting done

Back in to my work
Another phone call, ignore it, too busy
They come around to my door, needing help
Follow them back, nothing wrong now
Caught up on the way back
Another question, some advice needed.
Photocopier jammed
Email crashing, you have too much
Internet page won’t load; site is down, not my problem
Keyboard broken
Why is it so slow?

Back in to my work
Nothing getting done, getting more and more behind
Nobody happy

My clock has just clicked 5:00 PM

Time to go home
It can all wait until the next day, week month or year, some may never get done
If nobody else cares, why should I?


Our lives are full of trust, our world revolves around trust.
Should we really be so trusting?

This morning
Making my breakfast, I trusted that the bread was not poisoned, the jam not full of drugs.
Picking up my laptop bag, I trusted that the strap would not break.
I started my car, trusting that nobody had planted a bomb under it over night.
Driving out on to the road, I trusted that other drivers would obey the road rules.
I stopped for petrol, trusting that it was petrol I was putting in my car and not water.
Finally I drove over a bridge to get to work; I trusted it would not collapse under me.

I was trusting people that I didn’t know.
Items I didn’t make.

I believed that most people in society are good and wish to do me no harm.
Yet here at work, with people I know, I can’t trust them
Passwords and codes
Locks on doors
Policies and procedures
Locked down rights
Logging and filtering

How said is this.
I trust those I don’t know.
Yet don’t trust those I do know.

I was walking down the road today; I trusted that nobody would stab me.
At 2am on a Saturday morning I might not be so trusting, why?

We trust the banks to look after our money, should we?
Our trust is placed in faceless companies, ran by faceless men.
We don’t know them and they don’t know us but we still trust them.
In most cases we don’t have any choice.

Our society tells us to trust those we don’t know but not to trust those closest to us.
I don’t trust people I should, how can I? Why should I?
I was always a trusting person, I grew up at a time when this is what you did.
Stories of kids being abducted, murders and crime seemed so far away.
Now I am older I know the world is not as nice as it seems, when seen through a child’s eyes.

Our world is full of people you want to harm you.
Our world is a dangerous place.
Now I am not so trusting, the world has done this to me.

If you can find somebody to trust, keep them close no matter what.
But if they break your trust, be sure to make them go.
If you don’t have trust, you have nothing.


Drops on my window
Trees dripping wet
Tapping on the roof
Wind blowing
Splashing in puddles
Cars driving slow, windscreen wipers going in time
Grumpy shoppers
Umbrellas and coats

A leak in the roof, bucket needed
Warm coffee, heater on
Movie on TV
Junk food

Flashing lights
Car written off
She is dead
Lives changed

Breaking my Silence

I am on the brink of losing control
I want to lash out, saying what is on my mind
I have voices in my head, playing with me
I am close to breaking, giving up would be fine?

She treated me like a play thing, gone when she had used me all up
She seemed so wonderful, taking me for a ride
She got what she wanted, now on to better things
She broke me; can I ever be truly fixed?

I kept my silence, letting others think I was at fault
I played along, trying to be the nice guy
I kept this inside of me, one day I will let it all out
I won’t take the blame any more
I will ensure those who have wronged me will be made to take the blame

Our Friend - The Fisherman

We have an old friend, he is a fisherman.
He was a friend of my dad’s, before dad passed away.

The fisherman asked if he could still fish on our jetty, like he did with dad for all those years.

He comes a few times a week, always waving hello as he walks down to the jetty.
His face is wrinkled, his hands hard like leather, in his old green coat and worn out hat.

He only takes enough fish for himself, he often gives us some, all cleaned and ready to cook.

During the year he gives us bags of apples from his garden or some vegetables he has grown.

Every Christmas he brings my girl’s presents, to say thank you for using our jetty.
We didn’t see the fisherman for a few weeks, we worried he was sick.
Christmas came and went, still not around, this was very strange.

It was not until the New Year, when we saw the news story.

He has passed away at home, peacefully in his sleep.

We had an old friend, he was a fisherman.
He was a friend of ours, before he passed away.

I have a Heart

I have a heart, sometimes it does not show
I want nothing but to be happy, to be a man that can be loved

Sometimes I worry too much, about things I can’t control
My head and heart pulled in different directions
Trying to keep everybody else happy
Doing what is right
Being all things to all people

I can’t keep doing this, burning myself out
Now I am following my heart, leaving those who knock me behind
Not caring so much about other people, what they think and do
Looking after those who are important to me
Putting myself and my loved ones first

A new found focus
Being happy and showing this is vital
Time to leave the past behind
I have a heart; I want it to always show

Final VIsit to the Light House

How he got to the light house, he does not know
He drove his car but it is all a blur
Why he is here breaks his heart in to pieces

The view from the light house car park is stunning, across the sea
Many times he has been here before; he found it a great place to just think
His life has been destroyed, his family is all gone
He is a failure, he let them all down

He thinks about how he should have protected them, he didn’t keep them safe
Instead of playing golf, he should have been with them in the car that day

He might not have saved them, but at least he would have died too
That would have been better than what he has had to do

Last week he said good bye to his wife and son for the last time
That drunk driver was to blame, lucky he died too
The tears well up, he is a mess, people have tried to help, they can’t understand

With the sky turning red as the sun is setting, he sets off down from the car park
He walks with the urns to the edge of the rocks and the sea
Opening the lids he scatters their remains
The ashes blow in the wind, they are now free

He jumps off the rocks in to the sea; he is joining them today, now he is free

Depression is like Depression.

Depression is like Depression.

It can feel like you are walking in the darkness while everybody else is walking in the light
It can feel like everybody else “gets it” while you are blind
It can seem you are alone, no matter how many people are around you
It can seem you are just too much trouble for other people to care

You might lose interests in things that you used to enjoy
You might lose touch with those around you

You might say things you would normally keep to yourself, in your own head

You might say you want to be alone, when really all you want is to be close to people

People might describe you as:

Sometimes you might get angry about things that don’t really matter
Sometimes you might cry for no reason
Sometimes you could have a good day, that does not mean you are better
Sometimes you could see some light in between all the darkness
More than anything Depression steals your hope 
Your hope that you will ever get better 
Your hope that things will ever improve
Your hope that this will not last forever
Depression is like Depression.